As soon as I made the decision to simplify our life, life threw me a curve ball and only got more complicated. To the point it feels like I am being tested in some way.
We were making great progress in minimizing our things when we were unexpectedly thrown into a complete home remodel project. We joke about our life becoming a real life imitation of our boys' beloved book "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie". However, the stress of a house remodel is no joke.
It all began when my husband discovered that a lot of his health issues in the last few years has been due to extreme environmental allergies. Something had to be done so we decided to combat the allergy issue by replacing the carpet in our home with hardwood. This decision lead us down a rabbit hole that now has me sitting here typing at 1 am on a Sunday night when I should be in bed getting rest for the upcoming work week.
That one decision started a chain reaction that became an almost complete remodel of our 15 year old house. We have done a lot of the work ourselves, only hiring out for things we lacked confidence in doing DIY.
This means we have not had a free weekend in several months!
The house being in a constant state of construction, which is stressful, but nothing that would cause someone to lose their sanity. What caused the final blow to my mental health was the added stress I have been experiencing at work. This and trying to be the keeper of the family finally took its toll on me and came to a head last week. I had, not one, but two panic attacks within a 48 hour period. It was a freighting experience that I had hoped to never repeat.
Unfortunately, this evening, as I listened to the sounds of my family sleeping I could feel another one coming on. I tried to meditate my way through it but I just couldn't get control over my thoughts. So I decided to do the one thing that has always made me feel at ease, writing my way through it. So here I am pouring out my feelings in hopes that the tapping of the keys will ease my breathing and calm the fluttering in my stomach long enough for the rising panic to subside.
Thankfully, it seems to be working. My rapid breathing is slowing to a somewhat normal rhythm and the fluttering in my stomach is more faint, though still there. I know not getting rest tonight will most definitely heighten my sensitivity to the work stress that lies ahead tomorrow. At least now I know that writing about it helps.
Thankfully we are getting really close to being finished. I just hope that my sanity can hold out for just a little longer. I know in my heart this was the best thing for my husband's health and it will be worth the sacrifice when all is said and done. It just sucks in the moment.
I have to just say this has only strengthened my determination to simplify our lives more than ever.
On the bright side, it has given me more to write about.
Now that the panic has passed I am going to try and get a little rest. Hopefully it will be enough.